


The Year Before

by randomness8382



Series: The Life of Alex Mercer [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Backstory, Band Fic, Holding Hands, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Music, Past Relationship(s), alex and luke as exs, protecting reggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomness8382/pseuds/randomness8382
Summary: Alex was a nervous person. Almost everything in his life came with a worry about something. Finally deciding to come out hadn't helped him, but he didn't want to keep the secret anymore- it might actually kill him if he did. “It’s okay. I still love you; I’ll always love you."or,The events of the year before the boys death, as told in concern to Alex.
Relationships: Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: The Life of Alex Mercer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955509
Comments: 6
Kudos: 196





	The Year Before

**Author's Note:**

> Owen Joyner saying that Luke and Alex were definitely something in a live definitely fueled the entirety of this fic. I did this instead of my homework because I couldn't focus with this idea in my head. Enjoy!
> 
> Also I'm totally saying that Luke wrote 'Long Weekend' about Alex, because I can.

**Nov 1994**

Alex was worried. To be fair, Alex was always worried, be it his latest math test or whether his friends really liked him. Today though, Alex was worried about one thing in particular. Alex was planning on telling Luke his best kept secret, he was gay. Alex had known this about himself for three years now. He had been keeping this for so long and he just wanted someone to share it with. He trusted his band, all of them but Luke had been there the longest and he could only handle telling so many people at a time. This decision is what led him to stick around after band practice once Reggie and Bobby had already left.

“Luke, there’s something that I need to tell you.” Alex started.

“Yeah,” Luke said, still concentrating on his songbook in front of him.

“I’mgay,” Alex rushed out. He immediately looked down at the floor, nervous about how Luke would respond. He knew that Luke was his friend, but he couldn’t help the worry that overtook him. What if he wasn’t his friend after, if he never wanted to talk to him again and kicked him out of the band?

“Alex,” Luke said softly, he placed his hand under Alex’s chin, lifting his face to force Alex to look him in the eyes. “It’s okay. I still love you; I’ll always love you. This changes nothing, except who I tease you about having a crush on. Thank you for trusting me.” Finishing by sweeping Alex into a tight hug. Alex’s heart was soaring, he was so happy that Luke accepted him for him.

“Thanks,” Alex whispered into the crook of Luke’s neck. “You’re the first person I’ve told, and I was so scared.”

“Well, I hope you know that Reggie would feel the same way. We both love you, you’re our family.” Luke told him. “When ever you’re ready to tell him, I’ll be there if you want.”

**Dec 1994**

Alex was worried again. He had decided that it was time to tell Reggie. Luke had known for two weeks now and it felt to Alex like he was lying to Reg, even though it hadn’t felt that way before Luke knew. Usually both of them knew something or they didn’t know it at all. It was the end of band practice and only Bobby had left, saying that his parents wanted him home.

“Hey Reg, can I talk to you?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, of course. Just me or Luke too?” Reggie asked back.

“Well, Luke can stay. Umm, he already knows, but there was something that I wanted to tell you. I’ve known for years, but it’s scary and I wasn’t sure how you guys would react. I know you’re by best-“ Alex started rambling.

“You’re rambling Alex, just tell him it will be fine.” Luke said cutting him off. And much in the same way that he told Luke; Alex spoke to the floor.

“I’m gay.” Alex said, eyes still glued to the floor. Alex didn’t hear Reggie say anything, and that was making him nervous, so slowly he started to look up, but before he could Reggie had slipped his hand into his and squeezed tight.

“Thanks for telling me,” Reggie said still holding his hand, pulling him into a hug. “I’ll always love you no matter what.”

“Thanks Reg,” Alex said taking in a breath that he didn’t realize that he was holding.

**Jan 1995**

Sunset Curve had finally booked a real gig and they had decided to celebrate by having a sleepover in the studio. Alex hadn’t cleaned his room in a couple of days, but it didn’t bother him, so he wasn’t going to worry about it. For the first time, he wasn’t worrying about something, and yet that should have been the very thing to be worrying about. His mother had gone into his room to tidy up, because she was bored at home and found a magazine. He was a teenage boy, so it wasn’t that surprising, but the people it was displaying did shock her.

When Alex got home the next day, he wasn’t expecting his parents sitting at the table with the magazine laying out in the open.

“Hi,” Alex said when he walked into the dining room, not even managing to spit out anything else when his eyes landed on the table, more specifically the magazine on the table.

“You want to tell us what this is?” his dad asked after hanging in the silence for a while.

“Ummm, a magazine.” Alex said not wanting to incriminate himself knowing full well that it could have been found in his sister’s room, seeing as she was the one, he had stolen his from, though unlikely.

“A magazine I found in your room, with boys all over it. Why was it in your room?” his mom asked. Alex thought about blaming his sister, which wouldn’t be too hard seeing as technically it was her’s and his parents probably rather that be the case, but also now was as good a time as any. Alex had been thinking about telling his parents for a while now. He knew who he was, and he wasn’t sorry about it, but he was scared out of his mind. He just wanted his parents to love and accept him for who he was.

“I’m gay, mom.” Alex say looking her in the eyes hoping against hope for acceptance. Unfortunately, that was not what he got.

“Get out,” his father told him.

“What?!?!” Alex asked the words not really sinking in, but also scaring the life out of him at the same time.

“I said get out. I won’t have a _queer_ in my house.” His father repeated.

“Mom?” Alex asked hoping that maybe, just maybe it was only his dad that thought that.

“If you ever get over this ‘nonsense’ you’ll be welcomed back. Go get your things.” His mom told him, refusing to look him in the eyes. Alex quickly made his way to his room, and started shoving clothes in a bag, trying to hold back the tears. He was happy that he had a bunch of clothes at the studio from all the nights he crashed there. He jammed whatever he saw in his bag as quickly as possible. He went to reach for the picture of him and his parents and sister at the beach from his birthday last summer, but he just stared at it for a minute. Instead he grabbed the picture of him and his bandmates, throwing in his drumsticks that he left here also. Alex shouldered the bag and right as he was going to enter the room, he turned back grabbed the picture of his family and shoved it in his backpack. He left the house without a sound from his parents, tears rolling down his face.

-

When Alex entered the garage, he expected it to be empty, but surprisingly both Luke and Reggie where there. Alex still had tears rolling down his face and his nose was stuffy, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop crying, just pulling both boys into a tight hug. The boys hugged back just as tight, all of them obviously needing it. When Alex pulled away, he realized that both Luke and Reggie had also been crying too.

“Can I live here with you Luke?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Happy birthday by the way, Reg.” Alex said.

“Thanks,”

**Feb 1995**

Alex had finally gotten used to living in the garage with Luke. He had told Bobby, after he had noticed that Alex was also living there. He was meet with indifference, neither words of love or words of hate were thrown his way and honestly that was enough for Alex. It was better than his parents. Alex and Luke got super close living together, so close that Alex realized that he had a crush on him. For the first week he thought about keeping it to himself, but in the end, he thought that it would be better to just get it out there.

“Luke, can I tell you something?” Alex asked late one night when it was just them two at the studio.

“You know you can always tell me everything.” Luke responded looking up from his song book. He was working on a song that he hadn’t shown any of the other band members, which was odd, but it was the same thing he did when he wrote ‘Unsaid Emily’. He probably just wanted it perfect first.

“I…umm,” Alex started, he took a deep breath and started back up again. “I like you, as in like _like_ you. I’m sorry if this makes things weird, but I just think it would be worse if I kept it inside. I…umm… I think it would be easier to get over if it’s out there.”

“What if I don’t want you to get over it?” Luke asked, leaving Alex speechless.

“I’m sorry what?” Alex finally asked not believing that he heard that right.

Luke moved closer to Alex looking him dead in the eyes. “I don’t want you to get over it.”

“I still don’t get what you are trying to say here, Luke.” Alex said needing Luke to spell it out for him. He expected him to say something, anything to explain what was happening right now. But Luke just leaned in, looking in his eyes again before leaning closer, placing a hand on his cheek, and pressing his lips against Alex’s.

Alex was freaking out, his mind going a million different places at once, but before he could think too hard he placed his hand on the back of Luke’s neck, his fingers brushing the hair on his neck and kissed back with all the passion he had. He put his other arm on Luke’s waist and pulled him closer, while Luke’s other hand found a place on Alex’s back. As soon as Luke was pressed against him, all the thoughts in his head vanished, his brain just focusing on the fact that he was kissing Luke. Eventually, Alex had to pull away to breath.

“You going to tell me why you kissed me?” Alex asked, still needing some answers.

“You really don’t get do you? I like you too, dumbass.” Luke said lightly punching him in the arm.

“Oh,”

“Yeah, oh. Now will you shut up and kiss me?” Luke asked.

“Only, if you’ll be my boyfriend?” Alex asked shyly. Luke placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Duh,” Luke said and then went back to kissing him.

-

Alex had been on cloud nine for the past days. Being with Luke was great, their relationship didn’t change a whole lot, just more handholding and make out sessions. Luke had wanted to wait a little bit to tell their friends and Alex understood, he might be out, but Luke wasn’t. Alex asked him one day if he was gay, thinking the answer would be yes, but Luke had said that he didn’t really know, just that he definitely liked Alex a lot. Alex could tell that Luke had been scared to admit that to him, so he just kissed him and said that he would always support him.

Currently, the two were in the garage, Alex sitting on the couch, running his hand through Luke’s hair, who was sitting on the floor between his legs, working on a song.

“Is this the song that you won’t let any of us look at?” Alex asked, resting his chin on Luke’s shoulder to steal a peek at his song book.

“Ummm… I couldn’t really let you look at it when you didn’t know how I felt, and I definitely didn’t want the boys to know.” Luke said. “But I think it’s done and honestly I’m at the point where I could use some input.”

“Well hand it over then.” Alex says reaching for the book. He took the book from Luke and read through the lyrics before even looking at the rest of it. Halfway through the realization that this was a love song written by Luke about him, hit.

“You wrote me a love song?” Alex asked voice cracking as his eyes welled with tears. Luke turned around to look at him and grabbed one of his hands, squeezing tight.

“Yeah, is that okay?” Luke asked slightly nervous and not quite sure what was going through Alex’s head at the moment.

“Is that okay?!” Alex questioned. A billion thoughts were going through his head, the idiot really thought that he didn’t like him writing a love song about him. Alex pulled Luke close enough to lean in and kiss him, and then continued. “It’s perfect. I love you too.”

The confession kind of stunned Luke, actually it left him speechless. Not wanting to leave Alex with nothing, Luke got up and threw his legs over Alex’s lap, straddling him. He placed his hands on his cheeks and stared into his eyes. After a moment, Luke leaned in and kissed him. This kiss felt different than the ones they had shared before. While the ones before were fierce and rough like they would be ripped away from each other at moment, this one was slow and gentle like Luke was trying to tell him how he felt without words. Alex’s hands found their way on to Luke’s hip pushing his shirt up so that skin was on skin. He traced one hand up his spine sending shivers up Luke’s back. Luke’s shirt was so far up his torso already that he just raised his hands in the air waiting for Alex to take his shirt off for him, and Alex did just that, tossing the shirt to the side. Luke tugged Alex’s shirt out of his shorts and tugged it up as Alex raised his hands. Luke pulled it all the way off and threw it next to his shirt on the ground. Luke kissed down Alex’s neck, nipping on his ear and whispering, “I love you, Alex.”

**March 1995**

Honestly if Luke wanted to keep what they had from the rest of the band, he needed to stop starting things right before band practice. They were currently shirtless on the couch, with Alex hovering over Luke. Luke’s arms were wrapped around Alex’s back, pulling him close to his body. One of Alex’s arms was braced on the couch, the hand running through Luke’s hair. Luke’s hands were running under the waistband of Alex’s pants, when Reggie came into the room.

“Oh my God!!” Reggie yelled, covering his eyes with his hand, yet splitting his fingers so that he could peak at them. “What is going on here?!?!?!?!”

Alex scrambled off Luke and they both started looking around for their shirts. Alex grabbed the first shirt he saw to put on and then noticed another shirt next to where his was and handed it to Luke.

“Umm…well,” Luke started pulling the shirt over his head, “Alex and I have been… we’ve…Alex?”

Alex looked Luke in the eyes as he pulled his own shirt on, looking for permission to tell Reg, “We’re dating.”

“How long?” Reggie asked noticing that Luke had Alex’s pink ‘Fresh’ shirt on, and Alex was wearing Luke’s maroon long sleeve. He also noticed how neither of them seemed to notice.

“Ummm… since February. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you but I’m not even sure what I am. Like, I like Al- no I love Alex, but I’m not sure if I’m just into guys or into girls, like can you be both?” Luke told him mumbling, wrapped up in his thoughts. Alex grabbed Luke’s hands in his and held tight.

“Luke, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know, it matters who you love.” Alex told him, pulling one hand up to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on Luke’s knuckles.

“He’s right Luke. So, this isn’t going to change anything between us all right?” Reg asked worried about being left out.

“No, no! Of course not. Nothings changed in the past month between us and nothing will in the future. We love you Reg, you’re our family.” Alex told him, letting go of one of Luke’s hands to grab one of Reggie’s.

“Yeah, Reg. You’re my family as much as Luke, us together no matter what.” Luke agreed, grabbing Reggie’s other hand with his free one.

“Guess that just means that I should learn to knock so that I never have to see that again.” Reggie joked.

“Yeah, well I kept telling him that he shouldn’t try to start something so close to the start of band practice, but someone couldn’t keep their hands off me.” Alex teased, squeezing Luke’s hand tightly before dropping both of their hands from his grasp.

“Come on you dorks it’s time to rock.” Luke said heading over to pick up his guitar.

“Okay, but one question, are you telling Bobby?” Reggie asked needing to know if he had to act like nothing had changed.

“Umm, for now, I just it would be nice to know who I am before telling the whole world. That okay Alex?” Luke said, none of his usual confidence coming through.

“Luke, you know that I’ll support you through anything, and now that Reg knows. Take all the time that you need.”

“I think it’s time I show you guys ‘Long Weekend’.” Luke says smiling at Alex.

“Really? We can play it together now?” Alex asked excited that he would get to hear the song how it was meant to be played.

“Yeah,” Luke confirmed.

“Luke, did you write Alex a love song?” Reggie asked, knowing that was already the case by how Alex seemed to be glowing and Luke was grinning like a mad man.

“Maybe,”

“Well if that doesn’t give it away to Bobby, your shirts sure will.” Reggie said smirking as the both looked down at the shirt they were wearing and then at each other. At the same time, the realized what had happened and went to pull their shirts off to the sound of Reggie’s laughter.

**April 1995**

Things between the band were great, but things between Alex and Luke weren’t in the best shape. They were fighting, which wasn’t like them. They kept it mostly between themselves, not wanting to hurt Reggie’s safe space, which led to more problems. They would stop fighting as soon as they saw or heard him, letting everything brew until they were alone, where they tended to just start angrily making out, not talking about it till the next day, which led to more arguments. Thus, the cycle they got stuck in for a couple weeks. They broke up the cycle eventually, but things were never quite the same. Reggie never said anything, but he noticed that they were sneaking off less and weren’t trying to push Bobby out the door when they wanted to cuddle as much. Reggie kept getting invited over more often and while he was happy to spend time with his friends he was worried about the band and their friendship.

**May 1995**

Luke and Alex were sitting in the garage hanging out before band practice on opposite sides of the couch. Both of them were trying to figure out how to bring up what they were thinking about. They both started speaking at the same time, and Alex motioned to Luke to start.

“Alex, you know I love you, but I don’t think that I love you like that anymore. I did, I need you to know that, but not anymore.” Luke told him, his heart racing at the thought of having to break the heart of someone he loved, but also knowing it was worse if he let them stay the way they were.

“I know. I love you too, but yeah, I don’t love you like that anymore either.” Alex replied, thankful that he wouldn’t have to bring it up. We can’t fight because of this, it will kill Reg, you know his home life as well as me. When we were fighting, we kept it from him, and if that happens again, we have to do the same thing.”

“I know, we tell him together.” Luke said, happy that they could agree on this and that hearts weren’t too badly damaged. “And we answer any questions he has. Friends forever, right?”

“Family forever.” Alex corrected.

-

When Reggie walked into the studio for band practice, he immediately knew that something was wrong. Alex was doing his model walk and Luke was working on a song, or at least he was trying to work on a song but his hand were just twitching.

“Ok, what’s wrong?” Reggie asked.

“Umm… Reg you might want to sit down for a second.” Alex said stopping his model walk. Reggie nervously took a seat on the couch and Alex and Luke came to sit on either side of him. Reggie’s voice was caught in his throat, so he motioned for the boys to continue.

“Well, we just want to start out with the fact that we love you, and we love each other, but…” Luke started.

“But not it that way anymore.” Alex finished for him, reaching for Luke’s hand but stopping halfway before Luke grabbed it and squeezed tight. Alex flashed a smile at Luke grateful that they could still be there to comfort each other.

“What exactly do you mean, ‘not it that way’?” Reggie asked looking between Luke, Alex and their joined hands.

“We broke up Reg.” Luke states, glad to have the weight off his chest.

“You…you broke up?” Reggie asks. “What about the band?”

“That’s why we broke up. We’re better as friends.” Luke said.

“Yeah, we tried our best to keep it from you, but we were fighting all the time. We never did that when we were just friends.” Alex continued.

“The band is too important to us.” Luke picked up, grabbing one of Reggie’s hands while Alex grabbed the other. “You’re too important to us.”

“We still love each other, but just as friends, and things might be weird for a couple of weeks, but we will be fine.” Alex finished.

“Promise?” Reg asked in a voice to small for the energetic boy they knew and loved.

“Promise.” Luke and Alex said together.

**June 1995**

Sure enough, things slowly got back to normal. There was no more sneaking off to make out or walking in on them shirtless, but there also wasn’t that weird tension that had been there since April. Life was good for Sunset Curve, or as good as it could be with their issues. Alex and Luke got part time jobs at the mall for the summer, and they all started playing at random places for tips. Between the jobs, the playing and the band their summers were packed. They tried to book a many gigs as they could, any way they could. Reggie was over a lot not wanting to be in the house with his parents. So much so, that Luke, Reggie and Alex became closer than they were before. Reggie was also good to help the two get over their breakup while still living together. There were times where Luke would see Alex headed into an anxiety spiral and all he wanted to do was kiss it away for him, but Reggie would come and pull Alex into a tight hug rubbing his back until he calmed down. And times where Luke would break down crying over leaving his mother and the hurt that was there and all Alex wanted to do was hug him and kiss away his tears, but Reggie would just hold his hands and cry with him until they fell asleep cuddling. Of course, Luke and Alex still comforted each other, they were still best friends after all, but sometimes they way they wanted to do it wasn’t a friendly way, Reggie being there helped so that they weren’t alone but also didn’t fall back into something bad for them.

**July 1995**

Summer was going well. Alex and Luke were in a better place, the urges to kiss each other were going away and the band was doing good. Reggie and Luke were currently out shopping trying to find something for Alex’s birthday with what little money they had to spare. Eventually they came across a fanny pack that seemed to be something that Alex would love. It was black with a bunch of pockets. They bought together knowing that Alex wouldn’t care that they only got him one present. They were heading back walking down the pier when they came across a shop with bracelets. One of them caught Luke’s eye and even though they had just bought him something, he couldn’t help but get it for Alex.

-

Alex woke up on his birthday alone. Usually Luke would sleep in past him, and Reggie had stayed over last night so he was hoping that he wouldn’t have gone home without saying happy birthday or at least a goodbye. He got up and brushed his teeth and threw a hoodie on, still trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Happy Birthday!” Luke and Reggie shouted, scaring Alex from his still half-asleep state.

“Jeez, guys! Are trying to give me a heart attack?” Alex tried to say with some heat in his voice, but the giant smile breaking out on his face gave him away. “Thanks guys.”

“Sorry we weren’t here when you woke up, we went to get breakfast.” Reggie said holding up a box that looked like it was from the nearby donut shop. “We got your favorite.”

Luke walked up to Alex and hugged him tight. Whispering in his ear, “Happy birthday, ‘lex.” The name brought him back to the beginning of their relationship where Luke had taken to calling him by the nickname.

“Thanks, Lu.” Alex responded, decided that it was only fair to use his nickname too.

“We got you a gift.” Reggie said excitedly, handing Alex a gift bag. He slowly opened it to find a black fanny pack.

“I love it, seriously thank you, you didn’t have to get me anything.” Alex responded.

“We know, we wanted to. I’m glad you like it, but there’s something else in the front pocket for you.” Luke said with a shy smile on his face. Alex raised his eyebrows at him, suspicious of the smile of Luke’s face. Alex unzipped the pocket and pulled out a thin bracelet of braided thread. The bracelet made a rainbow with the colors. Alex eyes welled with tears. He was proud of who he was, but he had so much anxiety about acceptance and this was just a small show of that, that he could wear every day.

“Thanks, will you help me put it on?” Alex said letting the few tears in his eyes fall. He held his wrist out to Luke while Luke tied the bracelet for him. He twisted his wrist getting a feel for the bracelet that he never planned to take off. “Thank you for being my family, guys.”

**August 1995**

They had booked the Orpheum! The Orpheum! The boys were over the moon. Reggie’s and Bobby’s parents were so happy for them, excited to see them play. They were practicing whenever they had the chance, wanting the set to be perfect. Luke’s birthday was a week after the performance, and he would finally be eighteen. Everything seemed to be looking up for the boys.

-

“This is awesome you guys.” Luke said shaking his head in disbelief. “We’re playing the Orpheum! I can’t even count how many bands have played here and then ended up being huge! We’re going to be legends. Eat up boys, because after tonight everything changes.”

“That’s a new flavor.” Alex mentioned slightly concerned at the taste.

“Chill man! Street dogs haven’t killed us yet.”


End file.
